You may have noticed that today’s dating scene is full of people attempting to be what everyone

else wants them to be so they are acceptable, datable, and lovable. This may be your

roommate, your best friend, your brother or sister, or even you. The majority of society’s

relationship mantra revolves around holding ourselves up to the standards of the latest “reality”

shows, dating ads, and disappointing relationship success rates. People often experience

chronic dating, short-lived relationships, and messy breakups. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Sounds

like a lot of work, if you ask me. And at one point, I could relate. If you are reading this and

thinking this is me, fear not.

The real trick of the trade is that living more authentically to who you are will allow you to foster

more authentic and healthy relationships.

Which of the following do you think is the better scenario…

Someone who is constantly trying to people please and tirelessly tries day in and out to be

exactly who you want them to be?

Or, someone who lives according to who they are as a person, allowing their differences to

emerge while owning who they are, how they feel, and what they choose to do (and accepting

you for all those things, too)?

This may seem like a trick question at first, but the first option will leave you feeling unfulfilled

and constantly questioning yourself. A person who is okay with changing who they are to please

someone else isn’t living out of their best self. And who can blame them in a world fixated on

high expectations and perfectionism?

When you relate to others like this- from the outside in- you are giving away your power and

allowing others to determine your standard of being. Your priority is acceptance from the

judgement of others, not internal acceptance of who you already are.

When you relate to others from the inside out, you are able to radiantly be you for all of the

beautiful, quirky, embarrassing things that you truly are. And- believe it or not- in the long term,

this is what will leave you feeling confident, worthy, and enough.

You won’t find your ideal partner by being who you think they want you to be. Now, don’t get me

wrong…you may get them in the heat of the moment. But this will ultimately lead you into a

fantasy of a relationship that leaves you feeling unfulfilled and unseen further down the road.

That only leaves you with one other choice…be yourself. I promise that’s what people who are

ready for real love find attractive.

Author: Liz Higgins LMFT

Liz Higgins is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate in Dallas, TX. She is the author of the digital e-book The Five Relationship Mistakes You Are Making and What To Do About Them. She is also a blog contributor to the Huffington Post. Liz specializes in working with millennial couples and individuals in their 20s and 30s on relationship/marital issues, premarital preparation, and cultivating a more mindful and fulfilling life.